Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
