hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
