woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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