You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
