I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
