I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
