Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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