eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
