I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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