too bad you live with your parents still
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
