Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
