she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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