do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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