So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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