got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
