she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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