did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
