I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
