i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
