I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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