Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
