Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she peed on how many people?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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