finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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