Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
