So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
