are you still at the devil's house?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
