You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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