i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
