Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
