Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
