dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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