alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
