Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
