If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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