Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
