Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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