u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
