I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
