your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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