I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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