I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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