yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
