dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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