I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
