Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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