Non-Jews are for practice
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
