she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
