Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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