Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
