Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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